i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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