i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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