batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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