I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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