12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
