just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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