3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
