please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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