i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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