I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
