youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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