I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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