he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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