every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
