Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
