worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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