She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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