It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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