Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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