walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
