I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
