I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
