final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
