I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
