I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
