the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
