He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
