8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
