I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
