i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
