I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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