My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
