discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
