I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
