saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
