I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
