Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
