How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
