He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
