Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
