do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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