And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
