I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
