He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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