why didn't you poke me back
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
