Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
