Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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