That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
