The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
