The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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